The blues. part 1
feeling utterly terrible. nothing much has been going on other then studying , studying and more studying. and....trying to come to terms that my standards are falling...again.
cough and fever have been rather persistent for a few days now. hopefully it will clear up by wednesday. got human comm presenatation. and that will be difficult.
am trying to take my mind of today as much as possible. even though its rather hard. perhaps i should make another visit again.
time passes really quickly. its been 3 years already.
in other news..... my DODs.....failing. again. i always believed in trying to play my best. but lately with alot of work to do. and with me being kinda left out of all matters SS, including first team or compy team matters. i feel kinda lost all of a sudden. it has become much harder to actually try and achieve something with what little i have left.
i have been in SS for what...this is my 3rd year already come next month. and what have i achieved or done for them ? nothing worth remembering. not even a trophy. when others whom came in the same time as me already done so. better yet. i still feel every bit disappointed in a way that well, i have been overlooked. everyone in the team has a place and purpose. always felt dispensable. now i feel utterly useless -.- ---insert pathetic whine-- i have spent 3 years first chasing the shadow of perhaps the best rifleman in singapore,who is a dear friend and buddy. then chasing the shadow of everyone else. then being a shadow to my clan, in the end. they get looked up at. i am just " oh. archangel." minus those petty bastards who want to suck up aka DOG. its hard to look for something sincere nowadays. my garand and kar is nowhere what i expect. and i end up just staring at the screen with disappointment, and end up playing in other servers....where i stare at the screen with more frustration instead. am making it no secret that i have been trying my darnest to fit back in with the guys. but i guess. the rest find me oversensitive. over hyped. and ultimately. just another useless rifle. finding it alot harder to turn to myself more and more. the trust in that i have cover isnt there anymore. no fun playing the bad guy , being a nag. and being crapped.
rock off my heart. at the very least i guess. 2 panadols , and chicken rice time.
clarence
cough and fever have been rather persistent for a few days now. hopefully it will clear up by wednesday. got human comm presenatation. and that will be difficult.
am trying to take my mind of today as much as possible. even though its rather hard. perhaps i should make another visit again.
time passes really quickly. its been 3 years already.
in other news..... my DODs.....failing. again. i always believed in trying to play my best. but lately with alot of work to do. and with me being kinda left out of all matters SS, including first team or compy team matters. i feel kinda lost all of a sudden. it has become much harder to actually try and achieve something with what little i have left.
i have been in SS for what...this is my 3rd year already come next month. and what have i achieved or done for them ? nothing worth remembering. not even a trophy. when others whom came in the same time as me already done so. better yet. i still feel every bit disappointed in a way that well, i have been overlooked. everyone in the team has a place and purpose. always felt dispensable. now i feel utterly useless -.- ---insert pathetic whine-- i have spent 3 years first chasing the shadow of perhaps the best rifleman in singapore,who is a dear friend and buddy. then chasing the shadow of everyone else. then being a shadow to my clan, in the end. they get looked up at. i am just " oh. archangel." minus those petty bastards who want to suck up aka DOG. its hard to look for something sincere nowadays. my garand and kar is nowhere what i expect. and i end up just staring at the screen with disappointment, and end up playing in other servers....where i stare at the screen with more frustration instead. am making it no secret that i have been trying my darnest to fit back in with the guys. but i guess. the rest find me oversensitive. over hyped. and ultimately. just another useless rifle. finding it alot harder to turn to myself more and more. the trust in that i have cover isnt there anymore. no fun playing the bad guy , being a nag. and being crapped.
rock off my heart. at the very least i guess. 2 panadols , and chicken rice time.
clarence
posted by Wei Ming @ 12:18 PM
1 Comments:
At 2:07 AM,
Anonymous said…
hi kitty
poor thing
but i think you're courageous, trying to fit back in when it seems so difficult.
you can, of course.
jane
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