the harder way to do things

the harder way to do things



Its so hard. sometimes. i really want to tell peeps everything, but before that i have gotta measure it up to myself and to the other person first.


Do i double cross myself? or should i just let life take its own course. where i want to or not. how can i expect myself to tell someone else smth if the other person dosent want to talk instead? =/

sometimes is it me. or do i really pick a bad timing =|


Anyway. had to get out of the house. i wanted to catch up on my sleep abit. at home. then well. i went out cos my sister and mum sorta erm......ticked me off. i din wanna be angwee with them =/ they just came back from work. so i conjured many lame excuses and went out. called lyn. well. she was upset =/ ( i am really sorry i spoilt your day) wanted to tell her smth i dreamt about, yea. but well. i just went straight to cineleisure to meet lisheng and grace. played 2 rds of pool. pissed grace off THRICE =/ ok. bad. met with kelvin at 7-11 (dinner) and welll. another unhappy incident later. i just reached home feeling abit more empty and wishing how i could make things better


lyn : eh. plsplsplspslpslpslpslpslspls. sorry. -.- i dont know what i did this time =( (besides that comment)


grace : eh sorry -.- . i be nicer on the phone too =|


kelvin : chill. relax. dont think too much

Smile

Smile




Please smile. and really mean it.


I get the feeling that you havent done so for a long time, or either that. its always marred by something else and i am really sad.

Clarence

wedding lunches, friends, and being afraid of mics.

wedding lunches, friends, and being afraid of mics.

Argh. just noticed that my titles are always NOT visible. so until i get a new skin. i am just gonna post the title at the top.


Erm. Sunday came by pretty fast. Woke up at 1030 am ...to a very "OEI WHERE ARE YOU. YOU COMING ANOT" message/tone from terence, whom i have alot to thank for because he reminded me that Glenn and Cammie's Wedding makan was a LUNCH. NOT DINNER! ARGH! literally flew down to tanjong pagar for the lunch...which was quite a good affair, sans old ladies trying to FORCE YOU TO EAT EVERYTHING FOR 4 peeps who have to eat like...10 peeps share ( i dont mind the sharks fin though). L5r Guys are as crappy and fun as usual, and save for a unpleasant greeting which i did my best to shrug off from a person i did not really appreciate (DO NOT. in any sense . hit me on my back. ) Lunch was cool...

Then it was over. and i was chatting with a few friends while going out when...i saw my OLD GEOGRAPHY TEACHER!? miss yeo! sunshine! hurried over and chatted abit "You changed alot!" I down there -.-" (no wonder she couldnt recognise me -.-) . So left tanjong pagar with my friends. then rang grace up and found out that the xiao didi was at cineleisure. so made my way down to meet them....where i met lisheng for the first time ^^ . went kboxing....yes. for the older friends, i have this problem about mics, for the childgood friends, you probably know why =/ (i dont think any of them read the blog though). So in the first place, picking up a mic was.....erm quite a living nightmare ( dont laugh. i go to kbox to listen to peeps sing. its sometimes very much worth the cash). I croaked at some song (i aint saying which) lisheng choose for me before giving up, then towards the end of everything felt really really bad and actually tried my best to sing through some westlife song. ( >.< ).....then erm. for once. did this duet of a song ...my first chinese song i was exposed to from my sis =X


So yea. afterwards, sent lyn off, sent lisheng off to mrt, hiro and i went to play pool....and yes. i got whooped...AGAIN! XD


came home.....working on BPD finalr eview =/ (hate hate hate hate hate ^^)


well, considering that i have been sick for a week with flu, with the sore throats. the weeks been kind to me.


WRITTEN FOR A CERTAIN XIAODIDI WHO WANTS ME TO BLOG SOMETHING READABLE


Laters.
Clarence.

ps : i hate nightmares -.-

Close.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space.� If the inputted data was correct Clarence has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Clarence fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Clarence has� an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward.�� The right side of the page represents the future and Clarence seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future.� Clarence seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened.� It would be best to leave the past behind and move on.� Stop crowding that left margin.

Clarence has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Clarence is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Clarence's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Clarence that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Clarence also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Clarence is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Clarence's self-concept is artificially low. Clarence will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Clarence to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Clarence is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

In reference to Clarence's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Clarence slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project. He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Clarence can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Clarence is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.

Clarence will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Clarence believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Clarence is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes. Clarence will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Clarence an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Clarence is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Clarence is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially.� According to the data input, Clarence doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Clarence can be defiant. He sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way he is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which he thinks are infringing upon his freedom of action.

Clarence has a desire for attention. People around Clarence will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character.

divide and conquer

Pricey tags in the musty room of hay with spices
Filled with little endless spirals of funny spiders
Maybe perhaps you could take a closer look
The magnified world of one eight legged crawler

Behold! meet Kyler. He squeaks (or thinks so) to you gleefully
Lunch is served , on the plate of his home
and he is content, for the next few hours is his world
Jingle. Sing . Dance with the coloured wings of the wind.


Then time flies, and Kyler grows lean.
Not a single catch in a few days, his mood grows mean
His thoughts wander afar. As he mends his home
Waiting for another meal to unfold.


Listening to the sound of the little creek (or so it seems to him)
as it drips and trickles down pipes of stoned grey
Gripped like fig to the pillars of which he makes his world
He tailors his web of thoughts to the drip. drip.drip.



And then. Like little insanities. He lets fly , and waits for the wind to catch him.

can i get a pwessie?

ANGST POST : dont read if you dont want to.







I feel unappreciated, and crying into pillows dosent help -.-"




back to work

clarence

HQ

wrote this at headquarters on the sofa while i was feeling rather broken and after i have already broken down twice in a day....but no. its not angsties!


folly

In the misty overtures of the young at heart
sometimes, calves and mothers graze and play
Unjudged, unfettered, they drink from lakes
lakes filled with hope for the morrow.

AS pretty words and pretty said.
Curtains of reality fall
unto the fields of evergreen lush and folly
Euthanasia in its newfound glory, the valley cries to sleep


Faith. in all its dressed up tenderness
takes hold in the younger hearts of those born from sin.
and that sometimes, the faithful have their hands tied to the stake
in the cross, ashes point to the deathbed of their home


Like rejuvenating ginger applied unto a cold
the valley wishes for its balm
lashing out for its cure
whom shall it look for next?



In the valley of the evergreen. Calves and mothers graze and play.


will post more later

clarence

ps : why no one leave comment or tag one =((( OEI!

oh well=/ i just woke up.

yea. just woke up from another dream.....


sometimes u wonder if they are real, especially if you have been having different ones for the past few days -.-


I WANT TO SLEEP T.T

A penny for your thoughts

In many ways, most of us never stop to think of the way we could potientially worry someone else instead when doing something.



PROMISE : No more walks alone at night ok? :)

sorry.


petals slumber at night
-----------------------------
Twists and Turns in the everlasting mind
Another "Soul to squeeze"
or the lack of it.
tumbling circles of the night

Wallflower motions to the tickles of the evening
Lasting , Coiled and ruffled
She drops her petals . one by one
The serene prose to the lingering smell of lavender.

Comfort to the bowl of soup
Brewed and makeshift to the world
Another soul drinks deep into it
The essence of your character. Sometimes. Another sings to your song instead.


and yes. that was my day =)

dooodeedooooo

In peace. In war
In Tears, in rain
The sky shouts and hears us wake

In health, in sickness
in blessed, in bittersweet
Jade seperates gold and asks for forgiveness

In dance. In song
on folk, in love
where the sun has walked. I cried for your gaze

In love, in passiveness
In thrall, in length
i live, under my shame

Random junk in the new year

Okkayyyy. now lets have some random junk to remind myself before i forget....


1) My shiro kitsuki needs help - how to construct a viable deck that offers better adpatability in a PK intensive environment - suicidal characters are not gonna help here.



2) BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG ^_^


3) Maple story can make you sleep.....

4) bash.org is hilarious :P





Ok back to not so squeaky nice stuff :

1) 6 phone calls from different peeps with the SAME problem dosent suit well with my appetite =( -- GUYS> DONT CALL DURING LUNCHTIME CAN. I KNOW RANTING HELPS.BUT I AM TRYING TO EAT ?!@##

ah... ok. next

2) I think sometimes i take for granted too much that sometimes being a bit more perceptive than others, i can feel through and react properly. uh uh. nope. quite insensitive =/ just gotta be more sensitive to my friends around me. Point number 1 reminds me why i should have forgone lunch to talk to someone who i felt needed the time =/. Guess it took a few instances before it hit me that i am insensitive to others =/ ( one person who literally hanged up. one person who threw a tantrum on me cos i replied innocently that i was tired =/ )


relax....almost there


3) i have this thing for writing. sure. i know. the stuff that most of you guys read here is whats actually quite edited already - meaning that i actually got around the fear of someone else reading what i write. - most people who try to write to express themselves have this fear anyway, but no matter. Will try to put more of what i wrote over the past one year up here . heh, provided you guys :

- realise that some vocab, grammer mistakes were MEANT to be that way

-point it out to me, irritate me ( just in case the mistakes were very real)

-dont ask too many questions till i am ready to answer =/


aites! Biomaterials paper at 1pm later! back to books!

clarence

ps : blog more later.